Our 3rd baby boy, Ezra Nehemiah Lundgren, was days from when his mom, me, was scheduled to come in for a trial of labor.

I am a type one diabetic, but we had successfully made it through the marathon and maze of pregnancy twice before and had two happy boys out of it (2 and 3 years old). A few days before the induction, things seemed off. He wasn't kicking like normal. Usually, he was so active. I went in for a regular fetal monitoring visit, and it was clear that his little heart had stopped beating.

They took him out by C-section that night. I got to hold him, and he was perfect. He was beautiful. It was almost unbelievable that he wasn't just sleeping.

I still don't think his brothers understand. I miss him already.

I sing his bedtime song, but he isn't listening from inside me. He's listening from heaven. I wish he was in my arms. Nevertheless, we are awed by the perfection of his name and song choice, from long before we knew we would lose him like this. Ezra Nehemiah means, “God is our comfort and help,” and his song is, “There is a balm in Gilead.“ We are finding that we need the balm of Jesus‘ presence right now more than we could have imagined.

—Bonnie